7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Let’s explicitly talk about the correlation between personality disorders or mental illnesses and spiritual awakenings. Well, we won’t outright sink our teeth into it just yet, not during this particular podcast entry, but I will say that when it comes to the actual, existential void that I experience, it’s very much so #7 of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5-TR for Borderline Personality Disorder. It has less to do with anything or anyone else, it’s just this profoundly perpetual emptiness that I experience within myself — thus, in my relationships with others. Meaning that no isolated happening and no certain person can truly “trigger” my void, it’s just always there in the depths of my core, outlining everything and everybody with chalk, no matter how much I do indeed resuscitate (or intend to).

“Trauma”, “triggers”, “shadow” — these words get tossed around, fiery with resolve, and oftentimes not given a chance to sit, ferment, marinate, burn, melt away into transmutation, revealing the larger framework, the metaphysical art of it all.

Track two, “the wind crashing waves ashore, like pennies to a bottomless well”, of the void on empty avenue was the chance I gave myself to set alight my darkness into robust flames. I let its intensive glow rest in the palms of my hands, branding through my skin, tearing open membranes, so that I could try to feel something real and try to fill my nothingness, or heal. With that said, this track illustrated the pure epitome and peak of the void for the void on empty avenue.

Just as The Void On Empty Avenue in the narration of The Alkhemey Of Temptation is an area that has become a sort of home for Lord Rasquiat Almighty and his àṣẹ (ah-sheh — life / death force), XXXALKHEMEY, it’s also the location where he lost his innocence, his heart, and whatever identity he was trying to make sense of or thought he’d grow to have, all due to the uncontrollable state of his àṣẹ. Essentially, he lost that sense of home — everything that made the Pines of The Void (or even his own body) feel like “home” had died. Such has once happened to me, as Rasquiat in the flesh. In this entry, I share more about that as we step further into the abysmal world that the loss of home creates.

As always, only Elite Alkhemists (paid subscribers) can hear the full podcast entry and access everything else in the Land of the Unknown. If you’re an Alkhemist who hasn’t gained clearance yet, consider it.

Thank you. Enjoy.